Tell me now

DO YOU… conserve water in the shower by rinsing, turning off the water while you soap up, then re-rinsing–like the husband does? …know what’s in a “Moscow Mule”? …how to convert Fahrenheit to Centigrade? …feel the earth move? …know anything, anything at all about Country Joe and the Fish? …still get the giggles? …know any convicted criminals? …believe in extenuating circumstances? …have an affinity for sweetbreads? …believe the chicken came first? …wanna be in show biz? …wanna bang your head against the wall when you hear headbanger music? …wish you still had your old Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme? …eat nachos with your fingers? …speak any foreign languages? …like surprises? …think people with thin lips are mean or stingy or immediately suspect? …lead a secret life? …fear bees? …embarrass easily?

…possess excessive amounts of empathy? …play mahjong? …change your own oil? …use hair tonic? …drink gin and tonic? …like it when someone whispers in your ear, “Meet me over by the koi pond at eight. Bring Gin.”? …own an electric can opener? …refer to the restroom as “the can”? …refer to a woman’s bottom in a like manner, as “a really sweet can”? (Updike) …remember how to flirt?  …feel sorry for Bruce Jenner?

Tell me now.

 

 

 

 

2 comments

  1. Bob says:

    I lead a secret life. Or did until I wrote this. But the parameters of the secret life will remain secret, so I guess I still have a secret life of sorts. Keep it a secret, please.

    • Cheryl says:

      Oh no. This is terrible! I want a real secret life too. How do I get one? I promise not to tell.

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